I don't have a lot to say these days. My energy has been focused on curating the gallery show. I have, however, learned some interesting things though doing this. Sometimes a project like this can be a microcosmic mirror.
I found myself feeling like a victim last night, after dealing with several overly needy artists. I caught myself thinking, "Don't they realize how much pressure I'm under? When is someone going to take care of my feelings?" In the middle of my pity party, I realized that this scenario was a repeating theme in my life. I've been through this in relationships before, when I've allowed people to get close to me who took more than they gave.
How does this happen? Do I automatically just give to people before I know they'll reciprocate, or do I draw takers in because it's familiar?
Until I know the answer to this question, I can't let anyone get near me. I have too much at risk now. The doors to my heart are either slammed shut or ripped off.
My birthday is in 2 weeks. My goal for the coming year is to learn to answer the door with caution, to not let in anyone without a key.
